Spring Semester...

It is almost 1am. And I am up stirring up anxiety for myself. Comparing my work to the work of others. Damning my own as without vision, and without direction. I simply survey what others have done, but to no point, to no end. Why do I need to trend through case studies? Why do I need to reiterate every point everyone has made about the flaws of this theory or that? I don’t. In fact it is counter productive and detracts from time that might be spent cultivating a broader perspective.

I have no sense of the level of detail I am ever supposed to go into. No issue is fully examined. I drown in the details. I see no big picture from down here. This has been a problem for all of my academic career— even before graduate school and specializing. I have always had trouble focusing on a topic I wanted to do. I have spent all my time trying to anticipate what I think my professor or advisor would want to hear.

Must forge ahead.

I now have day care for my daughter 4 days a week. 1 full day, plus a few hours on the others, is spent in my part-time teaching assistantship. I may have to go full time with day care. That being said, I have started to get some things done. I am focusing on the technical chapter for now and stepping temporarily away from the theoretical chapters. I am trying to regain sanity, perspective, and a sense of where all this can go. Maybe my theoretical chapter can literally wait until the end. When I am done figuring out how I plan to pull all my interpretations together. Maybe I can just put it off…

There will be more putting off. I have applied for a job and although I probably won’t even hear so much as an email rejecting me, the excitement I feel about the job has motivated me to research how to get it.  Interview questions are available readily on the internet and these demand not only the dissertation, but a vision for the future, and syllabi and evidence of professional development (running small conferences and the like…). And all of this must come from the heart or it will come very slowly indeed and it will hurt coming out. And it will be ugly.

So I have come to realize that I must forge ahead, not only in the dissertation, but in molding myself for after the dissertation. While this is the point of graduate school on some level, one becomes lazy in the non-research pursuits. One shuts out the outside world. Dreads the gab at conferences outside the close friends with which you drink. When in reality the reason we should have been going to conferences was for the ‘corridor talk’ — a term I overheard this year at a conference. ‘Isn’t this why we go to conferences? It certainly isn’t for the talks.’

Seeing old friends, meeting new people. Getting advice, interviewing. Giving your talk, but more importantly, talking with people about talks afterwards.

I digress. I need to grow up. I need to start thinking for myself and wanting things a certain way. The fredom my advisor has given me has seemed, until now, as an obstacle. But I will learn to embrace it.

It is 1am. Time to sleep already…

Starting Classes

I made some progress on the Theory Chapter, but unfortunately don't even have a full draft. Also did not do any of my labwork, though I did help a friend for several hours with hers (and perhaps will need her later for a kick in the pants).

Starting classes tomorrow---here gooooooes!!
I will still be trying to do labwork, I just don't know when. Maybe Thursdays 10-1pm, then have someone babysit my girl at school?

Geez mareez.
Baby cries...

How to do this...

So when I started this blog I was under the impression that it would be possible to remain anonymous. I decided I wouldn't write directly about my research, only about my process. The metadata. I don't really think this will work anymore, as I feel like I can't talk about my research without talking about my research.

That being said I work in an itty bitty teeny field (or it feels like that sometimes) were everybody knows everybody else. In addition to that, there are 'intellectual property' issues that could become a problem (i.e. if for some reason I have an idea and I post it here, who knows were it would end up— someone else's dissertation?!? or, worse another blog posting which misrepresents my field?!! or wikipedia?! I'm kidding, but I'm not really kidding.

On the other hand, none of my insights would have been reached without conversations with others, reviews of my work, the hundreds of articles I have read, and the dumb luck of putting two and two together.

So, I guess how I will do this will be anonymous for now. And the research will exist as a side project to Figuring Out How To Do The Research In The First Place. If it sneaks in, oh well.

Disserteaching

I'm getting close to July, when I will be teaching a course 4 days a week and it is going to be pretty intense (it was intense last year without a baby!). I am trying to decide wheher to prep for the course or really try to finish my theory chapter. I think the chapter comes first, as the course will get done when it gets done. I can do that work much more piece-meal and at-the-last-minute.

So now to focus for the next week (at least) on ONLY dissertating (forgetting, of course, Father's Day and all manner of other Fun Things in the future). I have three days planned already.
Sunday: Dad watches p for 6 hours
Monday: Kim watches p for 5 hours
Wednesday: Misty watches p for 3-4 hours.

Thats all I get of structured time. I can also continue to do nights, and work when she is asleep, but I want to Schedule that time, so I will use the bits and pieces leading up to it to make a list of exactly what needs to be done. Revisiting articles, sketching out outlines, and making a list of references I need to include...

Here goes!

Some Guidelines

June: Preparation for Summer Course, Chapter 2 (Theory), 3 hours/week in lab (Lets Start Slow)
July & 1/2 of August: Grasp for Some sense of Sanity as I teach full-time (and then some) and mother full time. 3 hours/week in the lab seems optimistic, but worth trying.
Second 1/2 of August: In the lab 20 hours/week—sketching out interpretations As I Go and assembling a Methods chapter.
September: Trip to see Family (10 days probably) Methods Chapter completed
October: History Chapter
November: Conference Paper & Conference. Interpretation Chapter 1. Husband turns 32.
December: Baby's 1st Birthday. Interpretation Chapter 2. Christmas trip (2-3 weeks). Conference Paper fro January...

Left to go if I stay by this: Introduction, Conclusion, and Contemporary relevance Chapter.
Projects that will lie neglected: Analysis of Archaeology As Portrayed by the Online Newspaper The Onion and Consumption Analysis of My Purchasing During My First Year In Graduate School (As Based on All My Receipts

Optimistic? Yes.
Impossible? No.

Not exactly the beginning

I am six years into my graduate degree. This should have been my last year. Instead of finishing I had a baby. But to be quite honest, I likely would not have finished anyway. So now things are a little more complicated, but I determined to finish. I am giving myself an extra year. Or, I should say, my university is giving me an extra year. In the sense that they are helping me with some funding in the fall and offering me a teaching position in the Spring. So, if all goes According To Plan, I should have a draft by December and a finalized manuscript by May. And then off to prosperity somewhere....

This blog isn't funny so far. I'll try not to do that again.